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| Were you naughty or nice this year? |
Take a break from all the rush and enjoy a little Christmas humor.
Top 10 Things that Sound Dirty at Christmas, But Aren’t
10. Did you get any under the tree?
9. I think your balls are hanging too low.
8. Check out Rudolph’s Honker!
7. Santa’s sack is really bulging.
6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.
5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
4. I love licking the end till it’s really sharp and pointy.
3. From here you can’t tell if they’re artificial or real.
2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.
Christmas Card problem solved!
Last Christmas, grandpa was feeling his age, and found that
shopping for Christmas gifts had become too difficult. So he
decided to send checks to everyone instead.
In each card he wrote, “Buy your own present!” and mailed them
early.
He enjoyed the usual flurry of family festivities, and it was
only after the holiday that he noticed that he had receiving very
few cards in return. Puzzled over this, he went into his study,
intending to write a couple of his relatives and ask what had
happened. It was then, as he cleared off his cluttered desk that
he got his answer. Under a stack of papers, he was horrified to
find the gift checks which he had forgotten to enclose with the
cards.
A Car For Christmas
Danny had recently passed his driving test and decided to ask his clergyman father if there was any chance of him getting a car for Christmas, which was yet some months away. ‘Okay.’ said his father ‘I tell you what I’ll do. If you can get your ‘A’ level grades up to ‘A’s and ‘B’s, study your bible and get your hair cut, I’ll consider the matter very seriously.’
A couple of months later Danny went back to his father who said ‘I’m really impressed by your commitment to your studies. Your grades are excellent and the work you have put into your bible studies is very encouraging. However, I have to say I’m very disappointed that you haven’t had your hair cut yet.
Danny was a smart young man who was never lost for an answer. ‘Look dad. In the course of my bible studies I’ve noticed in the illustrations that Moses, John the Baptist, Samson and even Jesus had long hair.’ ‘Yes. I’m aware of that…’ replied his father ‘… but did you also notice they walked wherever they went?’
Christmas Answers
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
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