A Lower Level of Hell !

My half day in a lower level of hell today could be fodder for a story...But, I'm just going to vent now.

Today started off bad for me!

First, a little background: I have been having my second car, a Kia Sportage (the one I let my daughter and son-in-law use), diagnosed for intermittent starting...Seems this problem can be caused by several different things (isn't that always the f--king case). Anyway, during the engine analysis the starter turned out fine, then the sensors checked out OK, then the fuel pump was given a clean bill of health (thank God for that, a fuel pump costs approx $330)...mind you, this took four damn days since everytime the mechanics tried to start the Kia IT WOULD START! (I should have made my son-in-law stay with them, nothing works for him!)

The car needed to act up (not start) before the engine diagnostic plug-in to the car computer could send back codes indicating bad sensors, etc, etc...

SOOOO, Mr. Mechanic finally said he had the problem narrowed down to a bad main relay...GOOD, these are cheap (around $19) and I could just unplug the bad one and plug in a new one...They're very accessible, right up front and on top in front of the battery on my Kia...I pay Mr. Mechanic money for his testing and drive the Kia home (it starts most of the time...and when it acts up it just takes LONGER to kick over)...A real pain.

Second, fastforward to this morning: I go out to the garage to get the relay serial number off the relay (needed to buy the right one)...It's a little dark and I can't see the raised number on the black casing of the relay, so I start pulling the relay out of the socket (much like an electrical plug in a house outlet)...It's a little tight and comes out only after I wiggle it a little. THEN, just when it releases I drop the damn thing and it falls into the cracks and crevices of the engine jungle below! NEVER TO BE FOUND AGAIN!

And I mean NEVER to be found again! I got a flashlight and scrutinized every square inch that I could see where the 1.5" by 1.5" by 1.5" cubed-shaped relay could have fallen...I peered down from the top of the engine and I crawled under the car and peered up through the engine...and guess what?...NOTHING! The damned cube-from-hell disappeared!

There is no way a cubed-shape thing that big could not be seen...UNLESS God was punishing me for something! Or maybe everything I'd ever done bad in my entire life!

So, I have to drive my daughter and son-in-law to work in my Explorer...Another pain-in-the-ass errand I don't need today! I'm sinking lower and lower in this hell-day.

THEN, I go to the Kia dealer to simply buy a new relay and guess what?...They don't have any in stock! I have to order and it will take 6 days for delivery! UNLESS I pay an extra ten bucks for overnight which means Monday since this is Friday...I'm really sinking into the lower levels of hell now!

I order the damn relay and give up the extra ten bucks for faster delivery...It seems I'm at the bottom of hell.

Third, after more searching for the dropped relay to no avail (it truly disappeared) and checking all the other auto parts stores here in Pueblo with no success, I plopped down in front of my computer, put my hands behind my head and leaned back in a black, pissed-on-like mood.

All of a sudden, while my mind was ambling aimlessly in this "why-me-self-pitying" state, an idea hit me (MUST have been from an Angel sent from above) "John, check the junk cars salvage yard for used parts!"

My day may just be on the mend...

I hurried to the foreign cars salvage yard. The tattooed, young man behind the counter said "Go out back, take the farthest left alley of cars and the Kia's should be half-way down.

I stumble out the back door in the 94 degree F heat and finally find the Kia's...The first one I walked up to had the whole engine missing, but upon closer examination I find the relay box dangling down by an electrical cable and resting against the inside wheel base. I quickly pop the top of the relay box and eureka, there are two almost new-looking main relays with the correct serial numbers!

I unplug the relays and walk back inside the office. "I found some relays, how much do I owe you?"

"Nothing," says Tattoo, "just come back when you have something bigger."

Oh my God, I'm being smiled on from above again!

And thus, when I was at my lowest on this hell day, God took a little pity on a poor, dumb, wannabe-everything-but-am-just---me!